On My Life & Marriage...
<begin sappy wedding-and-life-reflection post>
So here I am. All married up (again) and simply couldn’t be happier in my own skin. Some may know that I’ve been across the threshold before, some may not. One absolute certainty is that this time things feel different. My life feels different. Waking up in the morning and going to bed at night is different than it ever has been during any “phase” of my life. It’s comfortable and enjoyable. I find myself smiling about the little things and I feel myself warming with mere thoughts of my wife Michelle.
Michelle and I have been together just shy of two years. In that time we have tried our relationship to the fullest. It’s been bent, flexed, twisted, mangled, warped, challenged and every other action you can come up with. It really is amazing to me sometimes everything we’ve been through in our time together. Yet the most amazing part is that through it all, we managed to grow the relationship to what it is today; so completely unlikely and difficult, but yet so right and obvious. I’ve never doubted my relationship with Michelle, not once. The only time I’ve ever felt it slipping I was physically ill at the mere thought of us parting ways. That sickness led me to do something I’ve rarely done in the past, that being to look inward instead of at the situation outside of me. See, I’m very good at seeing a situation, analyzing it, understanding the problems with it, and setting in motion a plan to fix it; though, as I've learned, that’s not always the answer in a human relationship.
I have a confession. I must admit that this relationship, as it exists today, would not be possible without some serious maturation on my part. This isn’t a pat on the back by any stretch, but rather an admission that for 29 years I’ve avoided the hard stuff any time it had to do with Daniel Scott Hoerr. I’ve been content to believe that I had a lot of shit figured out that I really didn’t have a clue about. It wasn’t until this relationship that I’ve realized I have a lot to learn about myself. It wasn’t until this relationship that I realized that even those of us who have a gift for human interaction and behavior often can’t crack the surface of our own “wall” in life. Clichéd, I know, but it is a monumental unearthing in my life and I feel as though it gives me new opportunity for growth, both the growth of my own person, and the growth of my understanding of those around me.
One of my mantras in life has always been that of flexibility. We all must have a certain amount of flexibility in our lives to maintain our sanity. Too much flexibility and we become complacent boorish individuals, too little and we become wound tighter than a banjo string, ready to snap at any experience that doesn’t go precisely as initially envisioned. What I’ve realized that I missed in my application of flexibility was the understanding that everyone must apply it differently. “Can’t we all just get along” means many different things to many different people and personalities. The destination of the phrase is ultimately identical; however, there are endless ways to arrive at that destination. I believe I missed that very important point in years past. It wasn’t until I spent the last twoish years with Michelle that I’ve been awoken to the understanding of this concept.
“So, how does it feel to be married?” hehe – The most absurd question in the world to ask a newlywed, although it’s very commonly the most frequent. Shouldn’t we instead somehow verbalize the celebration of the obvious growth it takes to get to the point of matrimony? “Congratulations” always precedes the question above, but I wonder of the intent of the congratulations. I wonder if people consider the challenges a couple has gone through to bring them to where they take the plunge. I wonder if my views of marriage are so warped from my own inadequacies of the past that any normal human being just answered “YES!” to all those questions!
Michelle and I were married on December 3rd, 2005; today feels no different than December 2nd in the context of the question posed by the masses. However, I do have a constant reminder that I’ve achieved something in my life in the form of a ring. I’ve achieved the opportunity to give my heart to someone so special and so deserving of love through both of our dedication to understanding one another. I’ve achieved the understanding that my views and analysis of situations can often be wrong, and someone else’s views be right.
I have a lot more to learn in life and I’m excited to learn alongside Michelle Isabelle Hoerr. She’s shown me something of myself that I would have never seen alone, she’s my best friend, my biggest fan, my toughest critic; and most of all, my soul mate.
</end sappy wedding-and-life-reflection post>
So here I am. All married up (again) and simply couldn’t be happier in my own skin. Some may know that I’ve been across the threshold before, some may not. One absolute certainty is that this time things feel different. My life feels different. Waking up in the morning and going to bed at night is different than it ever has been during any “phase” of my life. It’s comfortable and enjoyable. I find myself smiling about the little things and I feel myself warming with mere thoughts of my wife Michelle.
Michelle and I have been together just shy of two years. In that time we have tried our relationship to the fullest. It’s been bent, flexed, twisted, mangled, warped, challenged and every other action you can come up with. It really is amazing to me sometimes everything we’ve been through in our time together. Yet the most amazing part is that through it all, we managed to grow the relationship to what it is today; so completely unlikely and difficult, but yet so right and obvious. I’ve never doubted my relationship with Michelle, not once. The only time I’ve ever felt it slipping I was physically ill at the mere thought of us parting ways. That sickness led me to do something I’ve rarely done in the past, that being to look inward instead of at the situation outside of me. See, I’m very good at seeing a situation, analyzing it, understanding the problems with it, and setting in motion a plan to fix it; though, as I've learned, that’s not always the answer in a human relationship.
I have a confession. I must admit that this relationship, as it exists today, would not be possible without some serious maturation on my part. This isn’t a pat on the back by any stretch, but rather an admission that for 29 years I’ve avoided the hard stuff any time it had to do with Daniel Scott Hoerr. I’ve been content to believe that I had a lot of shit figured out that I really didn’t have a clue about. It wasn’t until this relationship that I’ve realized I have a lot to learn about myself. It wasn’t until this relationship that I realized that even those of us who have a gift for human interaction and behavior often can’t crack the surface of our own “wall” in life. Clichéd, I know, but it is a monumental unearthing in my life and I feel as though it gives me new opportunity for growth, both the growth of my own person, and the growth of my understanding of those around me.
One of my mantras in life has always been that of flexibility. We all must have a certain amount of flexibility in our lives to maintain our sanity. Too much flexibility and we become complacent boorish individuals, too little and we become wound tighter than a banjo string, ready to snap at any experience that doesn’t go precisely as initially envisioned. What I’ve realized that I missed in my application of flexibility was the understanding that everyone must apply it differently. “Can’t we all just get along” means many different things to many different people and personalities. The destination of the phrase is ultimately identical; however, there are endless ways to arrive at that destination. I believe I missed that very important point in years past. It wasn’t until I spent the last twoish years with Michelle that I’ve been awoken to the understanding of this concept.
“So, how does it feel to be married?” hehe – The most absurd question in the world to ask a newlywed, although it’s very commonly the most frequent. Shouldn’t we instead somehow verbalize the celebration of the obvious growth it takes to get to the point of matrimony? “Congratulations” always precedes the question above, but I wonder of the intent of the congratulations. I wonder if people consider the challenges a couple has gone through to bring them to where they take the plunge. I wonder if my views of marriage are so warped from my own inadequacies of the past that any normal human being just answered “YES!” to all those questions!
Michelle and I were married on December 3rd, 2005; today feels no different than December 2nd in the context of the question posed by the masses. However, I do have a constant reminder that I’ve achieved something in my life in the form of a ring. I’ve achieved the opportunity to give my heart to someone so special and so deserving of love through both of our dedication to understanding one another. I’ve achieved the understanding that my views and analysis of situations can often be wrong, and someone else’s views be right.
I have a lot more to learn in life and I’m excited to learn alongside Michelle Isabelle Hoerr. She’s shown me something of myself that I would have never seen alone, she’s my best friend, my biggest fan, my toughest critic; and most of all, my soul mate.
</end sappy wedding-and-life-reflection post>
posted by Daniel Hoerr at 3:52 PM
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